Meditation is key to maintaining my focus. Every day, I dedicate time for my practice, which may include reading or listening to music that helps me stay present, go inward and invite connection.
Recently, I had been enjoying a series of sound meditations. One particular day, I turned on a sound recording for the heart chakra. The recommendation was to be still and either listen to the sounds and feel the vibrations resonate through my heart center, or visualize a miniature “me” in my heart center and send myself love.
I settle in and decide to just allow the sounds to reverberate through my heart center, as I was curious to actually feel the vibrations in my physical body. Leading up to this, I had done a lot work around the emotional aspects of my heart chakra and assumed there was nothing more to heal. But as with most things in my life at that time, my plans gave way to a higher intention.
As soon as I put on my headphones and closed my eyes, the vision begins. Immediately, I see a miniature version of myself in my heart center. I thought it was odd, since my intention was to relax and feel the music move through my heart center.
Well, if I am to see an image of myself, I am going to have her stand with her arms outstretched with joy, I thought, ready to fully move past the hurt I had experienced in the prior couple of years. The vision continues on its own and I simply observe it, similar to watching a movie on a screen. I was accustomed to witnessing my meditations experiences in this same way.
In my mind’s eye, I see myself in my heart center, and try to “make” myself stand up with my arms outstretched wide, owning my power and feeling great joy. But I can’t. The image is of me suddenly and very forcefully squatting down, with my head down and my arms wrapped tight around my knees.
What is going on?
I attempt to stand her up by sending her my energy through my will. As hard as I try, she won’t budge. This image of myself remains squatted down to the ground, head down, in a tight ball with her arms wrapped around her knees.
What in the world could be happening? I ask myself, seeking understanding about what I’m seeing.
Then my higher self speaks to me through clairaudience: “You were abused in a former life.”
Though shaken by this revelation, I immediately know in my heart that the details of the abuse don’t matter. In this lifetime, I have learned enough to know that what happened in my past (or present) physical form has nothing to do with my true spiritual Self. This awareness has allowed me to open my heart and act without judgment. What’s important is that I heal this part of myself that is being revealed during the heart meditation. This aspect of me appeared so traumatized and filled with shame that she couldn’t lift her head or unclench her arms from her legs.
It’s okay, I silently tell her. I know it was not you. I know it was not your fault.
Suddenly, I feel such a rush of love toward this part of myself, this vulnerable and hurting aspect of me, that I want to wrap her in my arms and hold her tight. Not being able to physically do so, I envelop her with white healing light.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. What happened to you in your physical form does not affect your true nature, I lovingly tell her telepathically.
The light swirls around her, engulfing her and permeating her every cell. Gradually, the white light starts to turn a golden hue. I am surprised because I wasn’t sending her a golden light, but my surprise lasts only for an instant. I had started to see this golden light more frequently in my everyday life. This heart meditation is helping me realize that this light is also an aspect of me.
I offer my advice to her: It is time to heal. It is time.
I direct all of my energy and love to the image of myself. Slowly, my body starts to unfold. My head rises up from my knees, and my arms release their tight grip on my legs. As the golden light continues to mend my broken spirit, I tentatively start to stand up—gingerly, at first—unsure if it is safe. Slowly, my trust deepens, and it feels good, like a deep stretch feels to tight muscles.
Swathed in the radiance of the golden light, I lovingly remind myself that all is well. She is well. She is whole. She has nothing to be ashamed of. As I continue to speak, her presence becomes more powerful. With her arms reaching high above and her legs spread to create a secure base below, her shame is released and she feels her wholeness. Her healing is complete.
I cry tears of joy and I am ready to integrate and welcome her back into my full Self. I love you! It is okay now, I tell her as her light-filled form effortlessly merges into mine.
Stunned, I take a deep breath and sit for a moment, processing what has happened. Thinking that the meditation is over, I am ready to open my eyes . . . when I am startled to see the outline of a male figure crouching down in front of me. His form is similar to a runner poised in position before a race. His fingertips are lightly touching the ground, but his head is lowered in sadness.
I realize that this is another aspect of me that needs to be healed. This aspect seems to be filled with a deep sadness. Since I see only his faint outline, I believe that I have already done much of this work, but until all aspects are fully reintegrated, there is more healing to be done.
Instinctively, I know what to do. I begin to send him healing light. I watch it envelop and swirl around and through him. It has a golden hue and it fills every broken or lost aspect of him, replacing the sadness with a great love.
Slowly, he begins to stand. His head lifts and his fingers release the ground they’re resting on. His long, strong legs start to straighten as his upper body unfolds. It is as if the sadness had been weighing him down, and now, with the emotion leaving his body, there is lightness to him. The release is welcome and long overdue. He, as an aspect of me, is now standing tall, arms outstretched, glowing with the golden light.
I see myself standing before him as a golden female figure. I welcome and accept him into my heart. Gratefully, I watch as he steps into me, returning to me another lost aspect of myself. I feel amazing. Grateful, powerful and humbled are just a few of the emotions running through me.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, I am confused. The image of my Self is now unclear. A moment ago, I had clearly seen myself as a golden female figure. Now that I have just integrated a part of myself that was in male form, I can’t clearly see myself. Was I a female figure? Was I a male figure? Was I genderless? My mind tries to put form to my Spirit.
My spirit, my higher self, answers me with a beautiful vision. My confused, unclear presence starts to release all aspects of a human form. I see myself transform from a physical body infused with golden light to only golden light, which surrounds my higher self. My higher self, as the golden light, becomes a golden being too. I understand. I am being shown that I am also a golden being. That is my true Self.
“I am one also, a golden being?” I ask aloud for confirmation. Yes, you are, I am told.
My body feels different. I feel wholeness, an expansion, but also a beautiful sense of internal peace. I am light, and that is my true Self. I innately understand that I limit myself when I see only from my human perspective. A sense of clarity fills me.
I sit with this revelation for a long while. Breathing deeply, I am eventually able to slow my crying until just a few tears of gratitude are left on my cheeks.
Do you have a story to tell in which your meditation took you to a deeper or more expansive state, and engulfed you in the essence of Divine love? What occurred in those private moments? How did your awareness expand? What came forth that inspired you?
If yes, submit your 800 – 2200 word true, personal story and join Sister Dr. Jenna in her upcoming book Meditation: Intimate Experiences with the Divine through Contemplative Practices. Click MEDITATION for more info.
Or possibly you had a mystical encounter with angel, guide, or ancestor? Nature or an animal? Here is your chance to share it in one of our other upcoming books.
Submissions for all books are being accepted through June 30, 2021. Send us yours as early as you can, as we have limited space and some of the books are already filling up! Click Common Sentience for more info!