Are you having issues in your relationship? Does it feel strained? Is it causing you stress? Do you feel disengaged and disconnected from your partner? If so, now might be the best time to make it more sacred. This might sound counterintuitive but keep reading and you’ll see why it makes perfect sense.
Relationships are a mirror. Whatever is resonating in your heart shows up in your external reality. This concept is particularly pronounced in our intimate connections. When you begin to live consciously and move toward self-acceptance, whatever energetic or emotional blocks you may have, begin to surface so they can be confronted and ultimately transmuted. Your decision to come into congruence—to live unapologetically—sets in motion all that is out of balance so it can be addressed and upgraded.
Romantic relationships are highly sensitized in this regard because it is in and through those relationships that we allow ourselves to be the most vulnerable. In that vulnerability we enable an opportunity for an honest reflection of where we are and what we need.
In the face of resistance, the tendency is to further resist. However, when we change course and turn instead toward honoring the challenge that is coming up within our closest connections, we begin to relate to those and to the Beloved as the sacred gifts they are. Invariably, the challenges that arise, even when they appear to be entirely about the other, are iterations of our own internal struggles that we may not even be aware of. Not only does this approach immediately shift a tense dynamic, but you will find that it supports a sense of acceptance, a state of open-hearted presence.
Relationship with the Beloved has the capacity to be reparative and transformative and is a means itself towards evolution. Sacred union and the alchemical nature of relationship has been used as medium for growth and transcendence historically and in numerous spiritual traditions like the path of Tantric Yoga. We see the potency of relationship with the Beloved as directly connected to ascension in the examples of Mary Magdalene and Jesus, Isis and Osiris and of course my favorite, Inanna and Dumuzi.
When you begin to alter your relationship with yourself, everything around you reflects this shift and requires a kind of recalibration—including your closest connections. It is possible to view this process as a confirmation of your own healing. In other words, don’t worry, it is ultimately a good thing that your relationship may be causing you some stress. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to exit that relationship. Rather, it means that you are being invited to be deeply honest with yourself and your partner, to own your “stuff” and upgrade the ways in which you relate to yourself and your Beloved.
For example, pay close attention to the language you are using with your Beloved. How do you talk to this person? Is it with deep respect? Is it undercutting, harsh, impatient, edgy, short fused, demeaning, disempowering? How does your partner speak to you?
Pay close attention. The communication between you will showcase much of what is up for healing. Don’t judge either of you, just observe and take note of how things are said to one another and pause to evaluate if it feels good to you the way it is.
If not, make some adjustments without being hard on yourself or your partner. Articulate to your partner what you are observing and if there are interactions and modes of communication that you would like to alter.
Challenge yourselves! Suggest trying to engage in the Buddhist notion of “Right Speech” but go even further with it. Try using only sacred and holy language for a few days. Even if all you can manage is one day, it will create an opening. If you slip and end up arguing, fear not, just lay it down without judgment and explain that this is no longer how you wish to engage and that arguing takes the joy out of your connection.
If you are bothered by your partner’s behavior, try addressing it differently than normal. An example of this would be, “I honor all you are doing today as well as all you bring forth in my life and I really could use some support today. Can you pick up all the stuff you left lying around the living room floor and clean the dishes you left in the sink because I am overwhelmed today? Doing that will go far in helping me feel organized.”
If defensiveness shows up in either one of you, pause the interaction, get some space, regroup, take a few deep breaths, then come back and name it, own it, literally say, “I am triggered by this interaction, and I really don’t want to engage from a triggered place.” Explain that you wish to work together to transcend it so you can engage from a more solid place. Even just inviting in this intention helps it begin to dissolve.
Try examining your connection with a sacred lens. That your Beloved is accompanying you in these complex times is undoubtedly significant in and of itself. Open to the sacredness of what you are both offering each other and appreciate that your souls decided it was important that you walk together during an intense moment of universal transformation.
No one is perfect, but we can all find ways to live unapologetically in harmony with each other—to support one another from a deeper place of high vibration energy. This will also make your sexual connection even more fun! Imagine you are both connecting intimately in a holy way. Deepen the meaning of your intimate connection. Be intentional and allow a reverence for one another to emerge.
*Inspired by the wisdom of the Sumerian Goddess Inanna, this blog is an invitation to live as she does, like an Unapologetic Heroine.
Seana Zelazo, LICSW is a psychotherapist, spiritual coach and intuitive channel committed to helping us live unapologetically, by restoring balance within and without through the wisdom of the Sumerian Goddess Inanna. Look for her upcoming book The Return of Inanna: The Unapologetic Heroine in 2022. seanazelazo.com